The NHL Is Headed Outdoors Again

July 17, 2008 · Filed Under BRUINS, NHL · 1 Comment 

by the goat…The Detroit Red Wings are going to play the Chicago Blackhawks outdoors at Wrigley Field on New Years Day 2009. This comes on the heels of 72,217 whackos witnessing the Pittsburgh Penguins beat the Buffalo Sabres 2-1 last year in the great outdoors.

What a fantastic idea this is, hockey in it’s natural habitat. I think the Bruins should one up these teams and invite Montreal down to Beantown for a game played on… ready?… a frozen Charles River! That’s right, if you’re gonna get all nostalgic, you might as well bring it way back. River Hockey.

frozen charles river

Anyone who has ever skated on a flooded bog knows how exciting this would be. There is the ever present danger of the puck sliding out over a deep channel and a player falling through the ice while chasing it down. I say if you fall through, that’s it, you’re done for the game.

While we’re at it we’ll have the goals be two of the players shoes, and if the goalie lets the shoes slide apart, it’s fair game to score through them. Oh and no masks for the goalies either so no shots above the knees. If someone misses a pass and the puck goes up the bank? The last player to touch it has to shimmy on his knees into the reeds to get it (can’t risk dinging up the blades). These visual bonuses will be the only possible way more than 27 people would actually go to a Bruins game played outside in January.

Maybe we should totally ignore all the advances we have made as a society for the last hundred years. If you want to go to the game, ride a horse and tie it to a nearby lamppost. Sorry but no gore-tex or Under Armour either, it’s wool and cotton for all. Who cares if you get frostbite and lose a toe, we’re so retro!

Please Boston don’t ever fall into this trend, just about the only thing that makes a Bruins game bearable these days is the warmth, pretzels and beer.

P.S. Manny please just be quiet and hit home runs, if the Red Sox don’t pick up your option next year, I will throw up.

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