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Troy Brown Retires
by the goat… The Patriots and Troy Brown held a press conference today to announce his official retirement from the NFL. I know it is unprecedented to have two hero declarations in two days, but hey, it’s TROY BROWN. He played 15 years, and in this day in age it is truly remarkable that they were all as a Patriot.
Hero status is the least we can bestow upon the man who I will forever refer to as The Patriot. The man was the consummate team player, doing whatever was asked of him. Not only that but he did it with an ear to ear grin on his face. Troy didn’t need to play to the media or the fans, he was just who he was and everyone loved him. Everyone. Teammates, opposing players, coaches, media. I dare you to find someone who has ever muttered the words “You know, I just don’t like that Troy Brown”.
Here is an excerpt from a live blog that boston.com is running covering the press conference:
Owner Robert Kraft spoke for about three minutes before calling Brown up for a presentation.
He then said that the team’s game Nov. 13, against the Jets before a nationally televised audience, will be Troy Brown Night. Kraft unveiled a poster promoting Troy Brown Night.
Bill Belichick is speaking about his memories of Troy Brown’s career. He listed some moments that stand out to him:
The Super Bowl against Carolina, when he had a big catch on first-and-20 to set up Adam Vinatieri’s winning kick. The Snow Game against the Raiders, and how his punt return set up Vinatieri’s big kick. His TD catch from David Patten against the Colts. His TD catch to beat Miami in overtime — “one of his biggest catches, 81 yards.” A 2006 game against the Packers in which Brown, playing defensive back, held Donald Driver to one catch.Belichick went into depth about Brown’s performance against Driver, saying the team has a photo of that play hanging in the walls of Gillette Stadium. He believes the picture epitomizes what Brown is all about as a pro.
Here are a couple of quotes from Troy during the conference:
“It’s hard to let go,” he said. “But I know, at the end of the day, I played this game the way it supposed to be played.”
That is the understatement of the year. Troy played the game the way 1% of all professionals manage to play it.
And as you all know there is always the straw that broke the camels back when declaring heroes, and here it is:
Troy Brown talked about passing up the chance to play with another team.
“I had the opportunity to do it, but it didn’t feel right,” he said of the chance to sign with the Jets, saying he didn’t like the look of green and white.
“The only colors you’ll ever see on my back are the red, white, and blue of the New England Patriots. I’m proud to say it,” he said, his eyes moistening with a few tears.Game. Set. Match. Hero. Nice playing with you all and welcome, Troy, to the BSP Hall of Heroes.
The Thrill Is Gone
by the goat… Is it just me or has this pennant race been less exciting than a pre-season curling match between Rolling Dust Retirement Home and Trembling Hills Recovery Hospital? It is just impossible to get fired up about a Red Sox series/race with the Tampa Bay Gays.
There is no giddiness, no hatred, no feelings of urgency. Let the Rays win it, they aren’t going anywhere in the playoffs anyway. No matter when it happens the Sox/Angels series is going to be the true ALCS.
I am about to say the most ridiculous thing I have ever said in my life… I miss the Yankees. They’re kind of like the friend you had in high school that you’re not sure how you even became friends with. The one who annoys the shit out of you, but then you miss him when he’s gone.
Screw the Rays and their six fans.
On another note, the Patriots are back to playing boring ass football too. Defense and Special Teams, Yawn. Another championship on it’s way, hooray Boston. All this winning is seriously getting tiresome. Even Brady still just looked “normal” last Sunday. His shirt must have been ripped worse than thought because he is still wearing number 16 for some reason.
I am surprised we haven’t heard anything about Tom abandoning number 12, I would think the media would notice something like that. Oh well, he is the best quarterback in the world no matter what number he wears.
Somebody give the goat something to get excited about. Maybe the Bruins will pull a deep playoff contender out of their ass this season. Yeah, and maybe Fenway will sell dollar drafts throughout the playoffs.
Brady Looked Good In Week One
by the goat… So week one in the NFL season is finally behind us, and while it wasn’t perfect we’ll certainly take it. The Patriots defense looked relatively good for the amount of question marks they have. Except for that one big breakdown in the last seconds, even the secondary showed up. Let’s not forget that this was the Kansas City Chiefs, but hey a win is a win right?
The offense was… well it was the Patriots offense. Randy Moss had his 56th 100 yard game, putting him three behind Marvin Harrison for second all time. Wes Welker resumed his workmanlike precision with a respectable six catches, and Sammy Morris showed some of the brilliance that had us in love with him at the beginning of last season. I am convinced that Belichick has Morris on his fantasty team. Either that or Laurence Maroney beat up his son or something because it is obvious Bill has it in for Maroney.
Brady was by no means as spectacular as we came to expect last season, but he did what he needed to do to manage the game and get the victory. This is what great quarterbacks do, they find a way to win even when they don’t have their A game. While he seemed to be on his game for the opening two drives they both ended in fumbles (Welker and Moss).
After that Brady seemed to really change and just become average, no big mistakes and a few flashes of brilliance but not quite what we’re used to here in New England. He even seemed to look a little bit different on the field, but that is when I realized that he must have ripped his jersey because he had to change into #16.
He probably just couldn’t get comfortable in the new jersey he had on, but all in all, 20 for 29 with 212 yards, one touchdown and no interceptions is a respectable outing for a guy who didn’t play a down in the preseason. Plus Brady is Brady, solid as a rock, he is the last thing we need to be worried about.
Overall it certainly wasn’t the greatest game the Pats have ever played, but when you consider it more as a fifth preseason game it was a good tune up. I would say we can expect Tom Brady and company to get back on track next week and resume the 30 point blowout style wins we are all accustomed to.
Time To Do Work
by the goat... It is time. Football season is upon us. I have been putting off writing anything of substance long enough. One can only write about squirrels and beer chugging for so long. It is time to make some predictions, so here they are:
- Kurt Warner will blow it early. Due to franchise and fan pressure he will be replaced by Matt Leinart. In accordance with my prediction that Leinart will be the biggest NFL bust since Ryan Leaf, he will also blow it and Warner will start the last five games in Arizona. They miss the playoffs.
- Adrian Peterson will get hurt, but Chester Taylor will lead the Vikings to the NFC championship game. Adrian hasn’t played every game in a season since he was a freshman at Oklahoma.
- Matt Ryan will be a top ten quarterback.
- Taco Bell will sign Chad “Ocho Cinco” to a huge endorsement contract proving how out of touch they are with the latin community. The only thing less ethnically authentic than Taco Bell is the translation of 85 as Ocho Cinco. It’s ochenta y cinco you retard.
- The Cleveland Browns will suck.
- The Miami Dolphins will not.
- Brandon Jacobs will rush for at least 1500 yards, but the Giants will still not make the playoffs. (I will take this moment and this moment only to say: Hats off to you NY you fucking did it and you deserve it)
- Randy Moss will be flat broke in five years. Seriously
- Marvin Lewis will not be the coach of the Cincinatti Bengals when the 2009 Superbowl is played.
- High School’s Over.
Hambino made this prediction in the comment box, I had to add it:
- Peyton Manning will come out of the closet.
Brett Favre Traded To The Jets
by the goat… As if we needed another reason to hate The New York Jets. ESPN is reporting that Favre is now going to call the Meadowlands home. What a perfect fit for a guy who has completely turned on the team that made him.
Eric Mangini, a mediocre football mind that was thrust onto the national stage on the coattails of Belichick’s genius, went to N.Y. and completely forgot that he would still be a college assistant if it weren’t for Lord Bill. Now the leagues most famous tattle tale, who cried foul because it was the only chance in hell he would ever have of competing with The Patriots, gets to coach Favre, a mediocre quarterback who would have never lasted anywhere but the Tundra.
What’s next? Brett will accuse Green Bay of secretly triangulating ham radio signals from the sidelines during opponents warm-ups?
My predictions for next season:
- Brett Favre will retire after a 68-3 week two loss against The Pats
- Eric Mangini will eat the retirement papers
- Brett will be forced to come back in week three, but will throw 17 interceptions in the first half
- Eric Mangini will eat Brett Favre at halftime
- Green Bay will offer Mangini free meals for life at their stadium for ridding the world of Brett
- Mangini, upon hearing the incredible offer, will immediately retire from coaching and move to Green Bay, saying that he had accomplished all he could
- During halftime of Green Bays week seven matchup against the Indianapolis Colts, Brett Favre will leap from Manginis bowels in a Green Bay uniform to play quarterback
- Mangini, unable to catch anyone else, will eat Peyton Manning
- Without Satan Manning the Colts will not make the playoffs
- After an easy victory in the AFC championship game Bill Belichick will be overheard telling friends that he loves it when a plan comes together
Yup that’s right, the whole thing, Mangini to the Jets, spygate, the handshake controversy, Favre to the Jets, it was all orchestrated by Bill Belichick to get Peyton Manning’s ass eaten by Fat Boy Mangini. In Bill we trust!
I bet you didn’t see that one coming did you Mangina!
The New School (excerpts from lesson 1)
by the goat.. I really think it’s high time the NFL just cuts to the chase, instead of trying to educate players about common pitfalls and how to stay out of trouble, they should just start teaching them how to not get caught.
These guys are obviously not going to stop doing illegal things, they’ve proven this time after time, so the NFL might as well teach them to use some methods that will help them avoid the law. Obviously whatever they are teaching in their character building classes isn’t working and they need to change tactics.
So without further ado, here is a few lesson plans from Don’t Get Caught 101:
Lesson 1: Hire a friggin’ limo will you? Seriously, how are any of these guys still driving around drunk? Come to think of it buy a limo, they’re cheaper than Bentleys. Are you honestly thinking the “I am so and so from the Cowboys” routine will work when you get pulled over? Cops are not impressed by people who are impressed by themselves, period. Get over it and get a limo.
Lesson 2: Pay someone to carry all of your drugs for you at all times. We all know that professional athletes pay their homeys to do menial tasks like keeping their rims clean already. So just designate one as the official drug holder. If I was playing for the Pats I would have someone on my payroll just to carry around a fresh pair of boxers for me in case mine get too sweaty, have that guy carry your drugs too.
Lesson 3: Stop hitting your wife.
Lesson 4: Screw the club. If you feel the need to drink Cristal out of a goblet around a bunch of superficial windbags, have a party, at YOUR house. If you are so socially inept that you can’t get ladies to your house even though you are a professional athlete with tons of money then I have a super secret solution for you. Craigslist!
Lesson 5: This is the one and done rule. Let’s say by chance you do get caught and get arrested, and let’s say it’s in Miami. If you have been quoted in thousands of newspapers and court reports claiming that the police are at fault due to the fact they are idiots, DO NOT go back to Miami. One and done, move on to Vegas.
That covers lesson one, we will be holding an advanced class next semester. It’s not hard to stay out of “the system” with this proven system.
If you are listening Goodell, a simple link from the nfl.com individual stat page to craigslist will cut your player arrest rate in half.
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Beantown Weather
Boston MANovember 21, 2008, 5:01 am 
Partly cloudy
current temperature: 27°Freal feel: 15°F
humidity: 53%
wind speed: 11 mph W
Windgusts: 11 mph
sunrise: 6:43
sunset: 16:17
Forecast November 21, 2008 day 
Intermittent clouds
36°F
wind speed: 9 mph WNW
Windgusts: 16 mphnight 
Mostly cloudy
22°F
wind speed: 22 mph NW
Windgusts: 43 mph-
Action!