-
Polls
Loading ...
I Guess I’m Moving To Montana
by the goat… Remember pre - ‘04 Boston? How hard it was to live with the so called curse of the Bambino? Well imagine being from Montana, and the only thing anyone ever learns about your state is The Battle Of Little Bighorn.
While we had to live with Bucky “fucking” Dent and his game winning home run, the people of Montana have Sitting “fucking” Bull. I am sure it only got worse in the latter years as Americans have begun to finally empathize with the plight of the Native Americans.
You know who is from Montana? Bobby Petrino and Ryan Leaf. Not even Evel Knievel and Dana Carvey can make up for those two.
Well laugh no more! Montana has been redeemed and has now taken the lead as the most progressive state in the union. That’s right kids, Montana has started a state run gambling game, much like our Keno, that is based on fantasy football.
What a country! Montana is bringing it and if Massachusetts doesn’t smarten up and follow suit real soon, this billy goat is going to be headed to Montana via REI. I’ll grab the mountain climbing starter kit and go visit my cousins in the Rockies.
Another Title For Massachusetts!
by the goat… Remember when I said a while back that at this point Massachusetts could probably win a war with China. Well here we go again. William “Chopper” Young of Wellfleet has won the Guinness World Oyster Opening (shucking to you and I) Championships in Galway, Ireland. story here
What a great frickin’ nickname.
The best part of the story is that he uses an un-orthodox side opening technique and when he got to Ireland he realized it wouldn’t work there. You see Kelly Galway oysters are harder to open than ours and his knife was too thin. So what does “Chopper” do? Cry? Go home? NO! He borrows a knife from a Swedish dude and adapts, overcomes and wins the whole shebang and brings the trophy back to Mass-a-fucking-chusetts!
Here in the Holy Land, the mecca if you will, the trophy will feel right at home. If it gets lonely it can hang out with some other notable trophies that the “Great” Bay State has won in the last few years.
There are the big three of course, the NBA championship, the NFL championship and the MLB championship trophies respectfully.
There is the college hockey championship won by Boston College.
There is the Cup Stacking World Championship trophy won by Steven Purugganan of Longmeadow, MA. story here
There is the Vegas Stripper Pole Dancing trophy won by Somerville’s own Danielle Rueda-Watts, who was cheered on by the World Champion Boston Celtics while they were in Vegas fresh off their victory. story here
Let’s not forget the pride of Chicopee, Sean Sears, who brought home the Rock, Paper, Scissors World Championship Trophy. story here
To use the parlance of our times, I mean OMG WTF? Massachusetts is on fire!
By the way BSP would like to wish Happy Birthdays to two great icons of sport: Chi Chi Rodriguez and Natick’s own Doug Flutie.
These Dogs Are Pissed And I Don’t Give A Fuck.
by the goat…I have been getting a lot of emails asking where part two of the Manny man love post is. Well I’ve been out of town, goats have lives too. It’s on it’s way I promise.
In the meantime, look how absolutely utterly pissed off these dogs are to have owners that are assholes, it’s kind of funny how their toolbag of an owner gets uncomfortable when he realizes that he is such a douche that he just ended his relationship with his dogs. So then he blames it on his girl. Extra douche sauce please!:
No I am not amused! Where the fuck is your light saber?! I can only wish someone will take a light saber to your helmet soon you asshole!
I know this is a cheap way out of writing anything of substance but I don’t give a fuck, not giving a fuck is great. You should try it:
See ya soon… fuck.
Mark McGuire vs. Hannibal Smith vs. Cousin Eddie
by the goat… Today we have the first ever birthday showdown here at BSP. On this day three great (or once great) Americans were born. That’s right. Mark McGuire, George Peppard and Randy Quaid all share October 1st as their day of birth. In celebration we are going to run a showdown poll to decide who would kick who’s ass.
Of course we need to throw in a little twist, so the face off will be between Mark and two of Randy and George’s most memorable roles.
The rules are simple, we are voting for who would win in a no holds barred street fight. Weapons are not allowed to be brought from home, but fighters may pick up anything lying around and use it. Other than that there are no rules, anything goes.
And now without further ado here are the contenders:
Coming in at 6′ 0″ tall and 175 pounds (210 with the cigar) is Hannibal Smith of the illustrious A-Team (Peppard)
Up next coming in at 6′ 5″ and 230 pounds (1998) 5′ 10″ 160 pounds (today) is Mark McGuire:
And finally measuring 6′ 5″ and weighing 245 pounds, from Vacation, Cousin Eddie (Quaid):
Here is my prediction; McGuire gets so wrapped up in dodging questions from the media that he gets blindsided early by Hannibal who burns his retnas out with his cigar. A blinded McGuire then haphazardly stumbles into Cousin Eddie, spilling his Milwaukee’s Best.
Cousin Eddie promptly chokes McGuire to death with his beer soaked shirt, slurping up the beer leaking from the tightly twisted shirt while doing the choking… impressive move to say the least. Bottom line is that ‘98 McGuire might have stood a chance, but post-juice he is no match for these two highly trained professionals.
Cousin Eddie then turns his attention to Hannibal who throws his cigar at Eddie chinese star style. Eddie removes his own cigar from his mouth just in time to catch Hannibals cigar in his teeth. Eddie then promptly and simultaneously takes a drag off of Hannibal’s cigar and rifles his own towards him. A move which allows Cousin Eddie to keep his streak of 7,634 consecutive breaths full of cigar smoke alive.
Hannibal, stunned by the cat like reflexes, freezes and is struck in the face. Eddie, smelling victory, finishes the weakened Smith off by suffocating him with his rabbit fur hat. Eddie then proceeds to empty his RV toilet by pouring the contents over the dead bodies of McGuire and Hannibal with the hose. All the while muttering “the shitter was full, the shitter was full” repeatedly under his breath:
Bottom line is I believe Cousin Eddie takes it due to him being 100% bat shit crazy. I’ll take insane over training all day. What do you think?
Loading ...Vote now and let us know how you came to your decision by clicking here
Regular readers click here to be notified of new posts by email.
Squirrels Are Pricks
by the goat… Since good things come in three’s we might as well do another video post. If this video doesn’t convince you that squirrels are genuine assholes I don’t know what will. As a disclaimer you should probably know that goats and squirrels are natural enemies. I have been in a deep feud with a squirrel for some time, but that is a post for another day.
In this video you can clearly see that the squirrel is just messing with the players. He knows exactly what he is doing and is loving every minute of it:
The announcers had a few funny lines in there, turning it into a football play by play call wasn’t bad. What I can’t believe is that nobody noticed (and hasn’t since) that this squirrel was so obviously doing an imitation of minor league manager Phil Wellman.
If your not familiar with Phil he is the guy who did the crawl to the mound/rosin bag grenade toss move. Arguably the best ever move by a manager in the history of everything in forever. I am convinced that this squirrel busted out a pretty good impression of it and I can’t believe nobody is talking about it. Here is the video of Wellman. Watch the whole thing if you haven’t seen it, but then do me a favor.
Review what goes down at the 1:45 or so mark a few times and then go back to that douchebag squirrel’s video and watch what he does starting at the 00:27 or so mark. Stop now and do it, then read on.
You can’t tell me that prick wasn’t doing a re-enactment! He did it like three times. I’m telling you, as the goat, I know when an animal is really smarter and knows more about the Universe than humans, and squirrels fall into that category. We need to start an oversight committee to keep an eye on what these little bastards are up to. Sure this was a harmless little infiltration by a rogue squirrel, but I think it just goes to show what they would be capable if they ever organize under a powerful leader.
Pricks they are.
This Is A Test…
by the goat… Howdy there all ye BSP readers. I am going to take a minute and talk about what the hell is going on around here. It seems that this little thing, which was started as a small section of what was going to be a sports forum, has taken on a mind of it’s own.
In two months time BSP has gone from zero readers to hundreds. In light of this unexpected popularity I thought I would tell you about some of the features of this site.
For you regular readers, there is a “register” option just to the right of this post, below the log in box. If you click on register and then enter your name (fake or real) and your email address, you will be sent an email when there is a new post here. This way you don’t have to remember to check in randomly only to be disappointed, you will always know when the site is updated. Of course we will never give your info to anyone else and will never send you spam (except of course when there is legislation on the ballot concerning the length of rope used to tie goats to trees). Read more
Fan Of The Year
by the goat… This video shows why colleges in the northeast like BC, UConn etc. will never be football powerhouses like Texas and Oklahoma. They just don’t have enough random drunk redneck fans. When is the last time you saw some crazy ass motherfucker with no teeth wandering around shitfaced in a BC Eagles shirt spouting about how “Wake Forest sucks like a bitch!”? You just don’t and mark my words unless it starts happening BC will never win the ACC.
There are just too many phenomenal quotes in there to dissect. I will tell you this though. I am definitely going to start using that “you think so?!?!” answer he gives.
“Hey Goat are you going out tonight?”
“You think so?!?!”
“Goat do you need another beer?”
“You think so?!?!”
I love it.
Who’s gonna lock and load?… the goat of course.
Interviewing 101
Today we have a post by the goat’s good friend Bob Loblaw. Although it isn’t sports related, the goat found it hilarious and very appropriate for today’s struggling economy. Enjoy…
by Bob Loblaw... Being in the middle of a job search myself, I’ve become somewhat of an “expert” on the business environment. I think the unemployment rate is pretty close to 32% right now in Massachusetts. That’s pretty high! (We are not officially in a depression yet though, that would call for an unemployment rate of 70% or something. Don’t quote me on that though.)
As I go through my search, I’ve compiled a list of some interviewing tips and tricks that may help out any fellow job seekers. I’ve talked to other job seekers in the past about their job search and I am continually amazed at how almost all of them are going about it all wrong! I won’t write a novel here but wanted to throw out a few key “pointers.”
You got the interview. Good for you. They are probably going to ask you lots of questions. One they might ask, “What do you know about us?” Say “Nothing” and then shut up. Many job seekers make the mistake of rambling on about everything they know about the company. Don’t make this mistake!
By saying that you don’t know anything about who they are or what they do, it gives the interviewer a chance to talk. And people love to talk about their company and what they do! Show interest by leaning forward while putting your elbow on the table and resting your chin on your closed fist. Keep saying “yup” even if you are not paying attention so the interviewer thinks that you are.
You may get asked, “What’s your greatest weakness?” Don’t fall into this trap either. You don’t have any. Next question. Read more
This Country Is Going Soft
by the goat… Today’s post is about the decline of Western Civilization. In a New Haven 8-10 year old little league, they have told a nine year old pitcher that he is too good to play. No joke. He throws too hard and they will not allow him to pitch anymore. Don’t believe me, here is the story.
Wow. What kind of message is this? If you’re good at something we will punish you? The worst part is this kids team stood up for him and told him to pitch anyway and you know what happened? The other team packed up and left. Now the kid feels like shit because he thinks nobody got to play because of him. Oh that’s not it, after that incident, the president of the league disbanded his team and scattered all the players to other teams in the league. The hits just keep on coming!
The league claims that he throws too hard and is a danger, yet he has never once hit an opposing batter.
I am convinced that our society is so full of wuss adults that they feel a need to raise wuss kids. The kid is a year under the cut off. We are basically saying to these kids that they better not get really good at anything or they will be ostracized.
Sorry to tell all of you “everyone plays, everyone gets a trophy, let’s not keep score” parents out there, but if you don’t let your kids realize that other people are going to be better than them sometimes and that they are going to strike out every once in a while, they are going to end up crying their way through adult hood. This isn’t T-Ball, it’s little league.
What’s next in the “keep an even playing field” world we live in, are we going to give smart kids a C every once in a while even though they earned an A? Let some dumb ass win the spelling bee after he spells bug with a silent k in front of the b? Maybe we should give little Billy no hands ten points for getting hit in the face with a football at a Pop Warner game?
Ridiculous! We can not all be the same at everything. It is wrong to teach nine year olds that it is okay to shun the exceptional. Get over it New Haven, your kids suck at baseball, and if you don’t smarten up soon they are going to end up sucking at life too.
Guy Catches Ball With Beer And Chugs It
by the goat… This guy at a Cubs game pulls a real nice move here. He catches a ball in the stands with his Beer cup and then chugs the beer, ending with the ball in his mouth. Enjoy:
Now at first glance the reaction is to give this guy his props and write this off as a great feat. Let’s examine this a little closer though shall we.
We can clearly see in the 00:16 mark of the video that this dude’s beer is approximately 96% full. This puts him well within range where we automatically have to review this. We will be using the standard equation of “Awesomeness of Act vs. Loss of Beer”.
What we first need to do is use the goatagoras theorem to take into account the total volume of beer displaced by the baseball. According to my calculations (ball speed, circumference and smoothness of catch) this particular catch resulted in the loss of 68% of the guy’s beer. When you consider the prices of ball park beers these days it may seem to some that it just isn’t worth it.
On the other hand, the average drunk asshole spills 31% of his beer on the person in front of him at a baseball game anyway, which drops the overall loss of booziness to a mere 37%. Add this to the fact that Wrigley sells “Old Style” beer for a mere $6.00 (the price of just the empty cup at Fenway) and suddenly it doesn’t seem so painful.
So was it worth it?
The Verdict
Fuck yes.
Upon further review, even if it’s a flute of Dom Perrignon this guy did the right thing. In fact I would even go so far as to say that this man wears Awesome Sauce as cologne. This is what baseball and America are all about folks, kudos ball in beer chug guy!
This got me to thinking, what are the other situations in life when one is under complete obligation to chug their beer? Here is the early list, feel free to click on “comment” below the title of this post and add yours, I will update the list accordingly:
- When some douchebag clanks the top of your bud light bottle with the bottom of his (the menthos and soda effect)
- On Tuesdays
- When you accidentally poke a hole in your bud can with your keys while holding it horizontally
- When a ping pong ball lands in it
- When you pick up your cards before the president while playing “Asshole”
- When everyone is ready to go to the next bar and you have a full one
* Updates from reader comments below
- 20 minutes until last call and your the wing man with the ugly girl
- Just before they shut down the beer between innings at Fenway
-
Beantown Weather
Boston MANovember 21, 2008, 6:44 am 
Partly cloudy
current temperature: 27°Freal feel: 16°F
humidity: 50%
wind speed: 9 mph W
Windgusts: 9 mph
sunrise: 6:43
sunset: 16:17
Forecast November 21, 2008 day 
Intermittent clouds
36°F
wind speed: 9 mph WNW
Windgusts: 16 mphnight 
Mostly cloudy
22°F
wind speed: 22 mph NW
Windgusts: 43 mph-
Action!