Mark McGuire vs. Hannibal Smith vs. Cousin Eddie

October 1, 2008 · Filed Under RANDOM WEIRDNESS, VIDEOS · Comment 

by the goat… Today we have the first ever birthday showdown here at BSP. On this day three great (or once great) Americans were born. That’s right. Mark McGuire, George Peppard and Randy Quaid all share October 1st as their day of birth. In celebration we are going to run a showdown poll to decide who would kick who’s ass.

Of course we need to throw in a little twist, so the face off will be between Mark and two of Randy and George’s most memorable roles.

The rules are simple, we are voting for who would win in a no holds barred street fight. Weapons are not allowed to be brought from home, but fighters may pick up anything lying around and use it. Other than that there are no rules, anything goes.

And now without further ado here are the contenders:

Coming in at 6′ 0″ tall and 175 pounds (210 with the cigar) is Hannibal Smith of the illustrious A-Team (Peppard)

Up next coming in at 6′ 5″ and 230 pounds (1998) 5′ 10″ 160 pounds (today) is Mark McGuire:

And finally measuring 6′ 5″ and weighing 245 pounds, from Vacation, Cousin Eddie (Quaid):

Here is my prediction; McGuire gets so wrapped up in dodging questions from the media that he gets blindsided early by Hannibal who burns his retnas out with his cigar. A blinded McGuire then haphazardly stumbles into Cousin Eddie, spilling his Milwaukee’s Best.

Cousin Eddie promptly chokes McGuire to death with his beer soaked shirt, slurping up the beer leaking from the tightly twisted shirt while doing the choking… impressive move to say the least. Bottom line is that ‘98 McGuire might have stood a chance, but post-juice he is no match for these two highly trained professionals.

Cousin Eddie then turns his attention to Hannibal who throws his cigar at Eddie chinese star style. Eddie removes his own cigar from his mouth just in time to catch Hannibals cigar in his teeth. Eddie then promptly and simultaneously takes a drag off of Hannibal’s cigar and rifles his own towards him. A move which allows Cousin Eddie to keep his streak of 7,634 consecutive breaths full of cigar smoke alive.

Hannibal, stunned by the cat like reflexes, freezes and is struck in the face. Eddie, smelling victory, finishes the weakened Smith off by suffocating him with his rabbit fur hat. Eddie then proceeds to empty his RV toilet by pouring the contents over the dead bodies of McGuire and Hannibal with the hose. All the while muttering “the shitter was full, the shitter was full” repeatedly under his breath:

Bottom line is I believe Cousin Eddie takes it due to him being 100% bat shit crazy. I’ll take insane over training all day. What do you think?

Who would win in a no holds barred street brawl?

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