Cape Sauce (careful it’s drippy)

October 21, 2008 · Filed Under MLB · 2 Comments 

Editor’s note: Today we have another post from the great Tiny Danza

by Tiny Danza… While an entire nation mourns a season interrupted and The Goat wakes-up in a sea of Natural light cans, let us take a moment for some acknowledgement with some local flavor.   No, not the winner of the Teaticket 500 but YOUR 2008 Cape league/MLB ALL-STARS.

Yes Tiny Danza has taken the privilege of assembling this year’s squad complete with yearend stats, line-up, rotation, bullpen, bench, and one illustrious post-season award.  Although only one of the fellows on this year’s squad are actually “locals” (Pena is from Haverhill via Dominica)  they have all crossed the bridge, sipped on chowdah, swam at our beaches, played on our fields, drank at our bars and perhaps even served you ice-cream, sold you butts, aided in your (my) quest for crab ointment, bagged your groceries, and/or your girlfriend.

If you’re not aware, you best recognize the best amateur baseball league on the planet right in your backyahd. This writers memories go back to the days of the Sid Bream, and Sam Natille who although didn’t quite get to Boston made a lasting impression with his prodigious blasts which routinely approached the goal posts on the Sheraton side of Fuller/Arney Allen Field.  16 of this rosters 24 players were represented in this post season while 4 will play in the World Series.

EVEN the television booth is represented in the person of Ron Darling.  Who won the MVP of the ‘80 Cape League All-Star game played at Yankee Stadium by only hitting a single, double and a homer while also coming in from left field to close out a 10-9 game.  For those of you who don’t subscribe to the baseball prospectus and/or read Bill James regularly OPS is simply a combination of Slg. % and On-base percentage and has become a highly utilized barometer of offensive merit.  All other stats and ramblings should be self explanatory if not entertaining.

So sit down and enjoy a team with numerous MVP candidates, A Cy-Young Lock, a plethora of All-Stars, two Jews, a Jamaican, a Man-Crush, Douche’ Sauce, Porn Star, Tattoo, Dance Fever  and “Nights in Rodanthe” references, potential bus drivers, AND paperboys.   And do yourself a favor next summer and check out as many Cape league games as possible, you’ll thank me later.

2008 CAPE LEAGUE /MLB ALL-STARS:      Line-up

1. K. Youkilis: 1B BoSox/Bourne ‘00    Avg. .312 –  OPS .959   HR 29  –   RBI 115

Even the most ardent of Chowdah’ heads didn’t expect THIS kind of production from Yooooouk, a viable MVP candidate.  Despite being advertised as the “Greek God of Walks”, Youk is actually the “Jewish King of Beantown”.

2. L. Berkman: O.F. Astros/Wareham ‘96   Avg. .312 - OPS .987- HR  29 - RBI  106 - R 114

Carried this team for much of the year and will receive MVP votes while his team’s struggle to finish reminded many of a poor Peter North performance.

3. R. Braun: O.F.  Brew Crew/ Brewster ‘04   Avg.  .285- OPS .888 — HR 37 - RBI 106 —

Was an MVP candidate throughout most of the season despite missing time to injury while more importantly before he’s all done will approach Greenberg and Kofax for best Jewish ballers of all time?     Oy Vey!

4. M. Teixiera D.H. Rangers-Angels/ Orleans ‘99  AVG. .308 - OPS .962 - HR 33 - RBI  121

Emerging superstar whose gold glove caliber D takes a backseat to Youk’s Gold Glove and will represent as the D.H..  Due for a huge payday as this off-seasons biggest catch while he’s dispelled rumors he was born/raised in E. Falmouth and once drove bus #44.

5. C. Utley  2nd Phil’s/Brewster’98-Cotuit’99   AVG. 292 - OPS .915 - HR 33 - RBI 104 - R  113

One of many MVP candidates but the only one who delivers the Cape Cod Times in the off-season.    Monster power, cuddly face.

6. E. Longoria 3rd Rays/ Chatham ‘05  AVG. 272 - OPS .874 - HR 27 - RBI 85

Young (23), emerging superstar just edges out Nation man-crush Mike Lowell. He put up these numbers despite not making the team out of spring training and missing time (1 month) with a broken wrist.   Nation found out about this young man’s power, poise and glove the hard way.

7. J. Bay O.F. Pirates-Sox/ Chatham ‘99   AVG. 286. - OPS .895 - HR 31 - RBI 101 - R  111

Put up very good numbers in the first half despite being protected in the Pirates lineup by Doug Mientkiewicz!  Yeah THAT Mientkiewicz!!  (Which is Polish for “douche sauce” by the way).  JBay showed he belongs with play-off breakout with Bosox.

8. K. Shoppach C  Indians/Harwich ‘00   AVG .261 - HR. 21 - RBI 55

Despite so-so numbers ex-Sox farm hand relegates our Capt. to a cameo role fitting for Alfred Hitchock, while Tek possessed numbers twice as spooky.

9. R. Theriot  S.S  Chi Cubs/Wareham ‘00   Avg. .307 — .387 OBP — 22 steals

Although not a household name Ryan has had “Dance Fever”, yes it’s pronounced Terrio, around the bases for the Cubbies’ all season.

Bench: Ellsbury O.F.   50 steals                                            Roberts 2nd .296     40 steals

Burrell O.F.      33 HR                                                 V-Tek C          Capt.

Pena 1B           31 HR - 101 RBI                               Lowell 3rd Man Sauce

PITCHERS:

S.P.1    T. Lincecum  Giants/ Harwich ‘05 Look at his numbers and then his team (second fewest runs in the National league) and then say the 2008 National League Cy Young award goes to…                                                    18-5     ERA 2.62       K/BB/IN    265/84/227

S.P.2   B. Sheets Brewers/Wareham ‘98-Orleans ‘99 Every year the MLB ALL-Star game was played in New York city the starting pitcher for the National league also started Game 1 of the World series. Well that’s until Ben Sheets and this year’s Crew of course.    13-9       ERA 3.09           K/BB/IN    158/47/198

S.P. 3    J. Saunders Angels/ Harwich ‘01 Came out of now where to take over Weaver’s expected role, help the Angles produce the best record in baseball, and subsequently dismissed like a child in the first round.             17-7                     ERA 3.41           K/BB/INN   103/53/198

S.P. 4    S. Marcum Jays/Harwich ‘02 Promising young starter who posted decent numbers despite being plagued with injuries much of the season and pitching for an offense with as punch as Glass Joe.                                   9-7              ERA 3.39           K/BB/IN      123/50/151

PEN

R.P. 1    B. Morrow Mariners/Y.D. ‘04-05 Filled in nicely while  J.J. “watch your Mouth” Putz was down and is a burgeoning star as a starter.   ERA - 3.34              K/IN - 75/64                        S V- 10

R.P. 2   J.  Masterson  Sox/ Wareham ‘05 Tito’s confidence in Big J. superseded that of M.D.C as the season progressed while  one of the biggest off-season questions for Theo and the boys will be his role entering the spring.  Not great numbers but being born in Kingston, Jamaica gives him extra points here. Eire mon!    ERA 3.16 - 6-5    K/IN/BB    68/88/40

R.P. 3  J.P  Howell Rays/Bourne’02-Wareham ‘03 Aided a patch-work yet very effective bullpen for the feel good story of the year “you can call me…Rays”.  Well besides “Nights in Rodanthe” of course…Fills the lefty role in this pen.     ERA 2.22    6-1      K/IN/BB   92/89/39

R.P. 4    J.J. Putz  Mariners/Y-D ‘97-Hyannis ‘98 The aforementioned Putz, watch your mouth, put together an O.K. season despite injuries and the fact that he pitched for the worst team in baseball, well the Nat’s don’t count.  ERA - 3.88             K/IN- 56/46                            SV 15

Closer  B. Wagner Metropolitans/Brewstah ‘92 Still throws flames despite Herve’ Villechaize like frame and his injury was directly related to Mets 2nd consecutive (chuckle) collapse.

ERA- 2.25              K/BB  45/9 BB                        SV- 23

  • Post Season Award….. MVP = Rocky Cherry Baltimore/ Brewster ‘00 - Wins because his name could’ve fit nicely on a Combat Zone marquee and That’s all that really matters.

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