Troy Brown Retires

September 25, 2008 · Filed Under NFL, PATRIOTS · 1 Comment 

by the goat… The Patriots and Troy Brown held a press conference today to announce his official retirement from the NFL. I know it is unprecedented to have two hero declarations in two days, but hey, it’s TROY BROWN. He played 15 years, and in this day in age it is truly remarkable that they were all as a Patriot.

Hero status is the least we can bestow upon the man who I will forever refer to as The Patriot. The man was the consummate team player, doing whatever was asked of him. Not only that but he did it with an ear to ear grin on his face. Troy didn’t need to play to the media or the fans, he was just who he was and everyone loved him. Everyone. Teammates, opposing players, coaches, media. I dare you to find someone who has ever muttered the words “You know, I just don’t like that Troy Brown”.

Here is an excerpt from a live blog that boston.com is running covering the press conference:

Owner Robert Kraft spoke for about three minutes before calling Brown up for a presentation.

He then said that the team’s game Nov. 13, against the Jets before a nationally televised audience, will be Troy Brown Night. Kraft unveiled a poster promoting Troy Brown Night.

Bill Belichick is speaking about his memories of Troy Brown’s career. He listed some moments that stand out to him:

  • The Super Bowl against Carolina, when he had a big catch on first-and-20 to set up Adam Vinatieri’s winning kick.
  • The Snow Game against the Raiders, and how his punt return set up Vinatieri’s big kick.
  • His TD catch from David Patten against the Colts.
  • His TD catch to beat Miami in overtime — “one of his biggest catches, 81 yards.”
  • A 2006 game against the Packers in which Brown, playing defensive back, held Donald Driver to one catch.Belichick went into depth about Brown’s performance against Driver, saying the team has a photo of that play hanging in the walls of Gillette Stadium. He believes the picture epitomizes what Brown is all about as a pro.

    • Here are a couple of quotes from Troy during the conference:

    “It’s hard to let go,” he said. “But I know, at the end of the day, I played this game the way it supposed to be played.”

    That is the understatement of the year. Troy played the game the way 1% of all professionals manage to play it.

    And as you all know there is always the straw that broke the camels back when declaring heroes, and here it is:

    Troy Brown talked about passing up the chance to play with another team.

    “I had the opportunity to do it, but it didn’t feel right,” he said of the chance to sign with the Jets, saying he didn’t like the look of green and white.

    “The only colors you’ll ever see on my back are the red, white, and blue of the New England Patriots. I’m proud to say it,” he said, his eyes moistening with a few tears.Game. Set. Match. Hero. Nice playing with you all and welcome, Troy, to the BSP Hall of Heroes.

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    Brett Favre Traded To The Jets

    August 7, 2008 · Filed Under NFL, RANDOM WEIRDNESS · 2 Comments 

    brett favre jets jerseyby the goat… As if we needed another reason to hate The New York Jets. ESPN is reporting that Favre is now going to call the Meadowlands home. What a perfect fit for a guy who has completely turned on the team that made him.

    Eric Mangini, a mediocre football mind that was thrust onto the national stage on the coattails of Belichick’s genius, went to N.Y. and completely forgot that he would still be a college assistant if it weren’t for Lord Bill. Now the leagues most famous tattle tale, who cried foul because it was the only chance in hell he would ever have of competing with The Patriots, gets to coach Favre, a mediocre quarterback who would have never lasted anywhere but the Tundra.

    What’s next? Brett will accuse Green Bay of secretly triangulating ham radio signals from the sidelines during opponents warm-ups?

    My predictions for next season:

    • Brett Favre will retire after a 68-3 week two loss against The Pats
    • Eric Mangini will eat the retirement papers
    • Brett will be forced to come back in week three, but will throw 17 interceptions in the first half
    • Eric Mangini will eat Brett Favre at halftime
    • Green Bay will offer Mangini free meals for life at their stadium for ridding the world of Brett
    • Mangini, upon hearing the incredible offer, will immediately retire from coaching and move to Green Bay, saying that he had accomplished all he could
    • During halftime of Green Bays week seven matchup against the Indianapolis Colts, Brett Favre will leap from Manginis bowels in a Green Bay uniform to play quarterback
    • Mangini, unable to catch anyone else, will eat Peyton Manning
    • Without Satan Manning the Colts will not make the playoffs
    • After an easy victory in the AFC championship game Bill Belichick will be overheard telling friends that he loves it when a plan comes together

    Yup that’s right, the whole thing, Mangini to the Jets, spygate, the handshake controversy, Favre to the Jets, it was all orchestrated by Bill Belichick to get Peyton Manning’s ass eaten by Fat Boy Mangini. In Bill we trust!

    belichick and Mangini

    I bet you didn’t see that one coming did you Mangina!

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    The New School (excerpts from lesson 1)

    July 2, 2008 · Filed Under NFL · Comment 

    cedric bensonby the goat.. I really think it’s high time the NFL just cuts to the chase, instead of trying to educate players about common pitfalls and how to stay out of trouble, they should just start teaching them how to not get caught.

    These guys are obviously not going to stop doing illegal things, they’ve proven this time after time, so the NFL might as well teach them to use some methods that will help them avoid the law. Obviously whatever they are teaching in their character building classes isn’t working and they need to change tactics.

    So without further ado, here is a few lesson plans from Don’t Get Caught 101:

    Lesson 1: Hire a friggin’ limo will you? Seriously, how are any of these guys still driving around drunk? Come to think of it buy a limo, they’re cheaper than Bentleys. Are you honestly thinking the “I am so and so from the Cowboys” routine will work when you get pulled over? Cops are not impressed by people who are impressed by themselves, period. Get over it and get a limo.

    Lesson 2: Pay someone to carry all of your drugs for you at all times. We all know that professional athletes pay their homeys to do menial tasks like keeping their rims clean already. So just designate one as the official drug holder. If I was playing for the Pats I would have someone on my payroll just to carry around a fresh pair of boxers for me in case mine get too sweaty, have that guy carry your drugs too.

    Lesson 3: Stop hitting your wife.

    Lesson 4: Screw the club. If you feel the need to drink Cristal out of a goblet around a bunch of superficial windbags, have a party, at YOUR house. If you are so socially inept that you can’t get ladies to your house even though you are a professional athlete with tons of money then I have a super secret solution for you. Craigslist!

    Lesson 5: This is the one and done rule. Let’s say by chance you do get caught and get arrested, and let’s say it’s in Miami. If you have been quoted in thousands of newspapers and court reports claiming that the police are at fault due to the fact they are idiots, DO NOT go back to Miami. One and done, move on to Vegas.

    That covers lesson one, we will be holding an advanced class next semester. It’s not hard to stay out of “the system” with this proven system.

    If you are listening Goodell, a simple link from the nfl.com individual stat page to craigslist will cut your player arrest rate in half.

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